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Monday 4 July 2016

TILL DEATH US DO PART

The other day while in a local supermarket I bumped into a woman I know and we started chatting. I
mentioned that the husband and I were coming up to our 25th wedding anniversary and she seemed genuinely shocked. Apparently (according to my friend), at the age of 50 I should be on my 2nd or 3rd relationship by now. Hmm...really?

25 years ago, two weeks after my 25th birthday I married my best friend. We made promises to each other and ended these vows with the words " till death us do part". We never imagined that our marriage would actually be littered with near death experiences which would test those vows. But as the regular readers of this blog know, this has been our lot in life with two people in this family with Cowden's syndrome.

Every medical challenge came and went and each time we braced ourselves, cried, prayed, yelled and wondered why us. Each time our relationship was tested and some times it was worse then others. Sometimes it would have been easier to walk away. From my perspective I was causing my husband pain and it broke my heart to see him suffer as he was. I often wanted to leave and protect him from further anguish. From his perspective, he couldn't fix it, it was horrible to see someone you love go through so much and it would have been so simple to get in the car and drive off. But that never happened because to give up on each other was never an option. 

A cousin of my husband said recently that she was surprised we were still together after all we'd been through. In reality the reason we are still together is because of all we've been through. It's made us tougher and more resilient.

But don't get me wrong here. Don't for a moment think we don't argue, disagree or fight. We are both hot blooded and prone to being argumentative. We both have faults. But what we've learnt is that these things are "small stuff". We've experienced the hard stuff well and truly so we know the difference. We've stood at the side of the big, black holes, contemplated jumping in and never did. After experiencing and surviving those times you learn to not sweat the small stuff. You yell and scream at each other, kiss each other goodnight and move on. You work arguments out because once upon a time you promised " till death us do part" and the "small stuff" isn't death. Not even close.

So because 25 years is a long time and my supermarket buddy thinks this is fast becoming a rarity, I thought I'd share with you what works for me. Maybe you can borrow or use one of my tips with your  partner. ( Please turn on your sense of humour before reading further).

  1. Cultivate a deep belief that you're always right and that they are deeply misguided in thinking they are.
  2. Learn to listen but not hear. I tend to use this when my husband is explaining at length why the car isn't working and how he's fixing it.
  3. Hide the chocolate and wine for your own personal emergency use.
  4. Occasionally do what makes them happy. ( Hi I'm Suzi and I love long drives in the countryside...wink, wink).
  5. Drag them away for time out regularly. Leave town together and book into a nice hotel room that someone else has to clean. Eat nice food that someone else has to cook and use multiple plates that someone else will wash up.
  6. Laugh and pull faces when partner is angry over nonsense. Please make sure it is nonsense first. Re- read point 1. Works with grumpy teenagers too.
  7. Demand hugs and say " I love you" regularly.
  8. For really serious " small stuff" ( eg he ate your chocolate stash), go through in your mind how you would kill him. Do not enact this plan. I repeat DO NOT ENACT THIS PLAN.
  9. Hide occasionally and recharge alone. I love a coffee shop visit, my husband a massage.
  10. You don't have to have the last word. Learn to shut up because remember point 1.
Happy anniversary sweetheart. I love you. I really do, TILL DEATH US DO PART and possibly for a long time after.

Till next time...xxx
ST



30 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Yes it was fun to write and all so true.

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  2. Very sweet and funny. :) I like that "til death do us part" philosophy.

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  3. I love your tips on relationships! My husband and I have been married for 32 years and though it's tough at times it's sure worth it!

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    Replies
    1. Yes after a while having a sense of humor really helps.

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  4. Replies
    1. Hey, amidst all the challenges a sense of humour...

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  5. 1, 2, 3, 9 & 10 - really all of them! LOL - 32 years here. As surprised as anyone that we made it this far, but so glad we did. Happy Anniversary!

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  6. Loved this. I've been married almost 11 years, but my husband and I have been together since I was fourteen which puts us at 23 years this year. Happy Anniversary. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

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    1. My pleasure. Really enjoyed reading some of the posts on Friday Frolics.

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  7. Really great post, and actually lovely to see your tips - I think I may use one or ten of them! #fridayfrolics

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  8. I love hugs and snuggles randomly. I do that this a lot, think it's reassuring! We aren't married but are 7 years strong with our own house and a child. I see it as forever. So does he. Don't listen to other people!! #fridayfrolics

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    1. I don't usually but I didn't expect to feel like a minority because I've been married for so long.

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  9. Congratulations! That really is an achievement. Fabulous! #FridayFrolics

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  10. awe I adore this post, "grow old with me", it's a beautiful sentiment. 25 years is awesome, we are at 14 years this year and still happy, I love your tips and agree with them totally. Sometimes what we go through does help strengthen us as couples doesn't it. Congrats again and congrats on your birthday too! #mg

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  11. Great list! Marriage should last a lifetime and congrats on your anniversary. I love #3 - I always need a secret stash of chocolate. Thanks for sharing at Mom-to-Mom Mondays.

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  12. this is really sweet.. I tend to let the 'small things' slide too because there are often far bigger battles in life (ours or not) and I mostly think "things could be worse" however, occasionally I can't help but not let it slide and I forget my own sayings lol..... I should let it go, but sometimes I don't haha... congrats on 25 years!! your friend is right, it IS rare these days, but it shouldn't be... #mg

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  13. I struggle with 6 and 10. Thanks for reminding me. I will keep an eye on these two
    #mg

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  14. Sage wisdom and advice. Me and the Mrs. are on 18 years! I will keep your list handy.
    Mazel Tov and Congrats on such an accomplishment! Mwah! #mg

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    Replies
    1. Love your blog . Congrats on 18 years x

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  15. Ah this is so touching and it's lovely to see that marriages can last nowadays! We're only in our 5th year but I hope to celebrate our 25th just as you are. Congratulations and happy anniversary. Ps. Number 1 is absolutely my mantra! ;) x #mg

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  16. This is lovely! It's so good to have a checklist :) I really agree with a little time alone as well. That first cartoon made me laugh! Congratulations on your excellent innings! Alison x #mg

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    1. Time out...back in your corner...breathe...ok next round!

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  17. 25 years is a fantastic accomplishment. It shouldn't be looked at as such, but coming from somebody on their third time around, I salute you #mg

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for commenting Jeremy. I love a male perspective on my blog posts but they seem to be a rarity x

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  18. Your experiences are so inspiring! Thanks so much for sharing with us at Funtastic Friday.

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